Summer Gone By

This summer has been amazing. I was thinking, last week, of how much I am going to miss seeing all the kid's smiling faces, my team, and even the Lincoln Courts. It seems like it's all passed so fast. It feels like yesterday, that I was calling all the kids the same name, or sitting in training with group of my new found friends of Americorps. My final summer of college has gone by and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it anywhere else. This internship has been a blessing that apart from God, would have never happened. Even as I write this Gloria, one of my 7 year olds, is sitting in fornt of me trying to cover my eyes while I type, laughing hysterically. You just don't get this kind of experience anywhere else. I know this all sounds disorganized but I just can't find the words to communicate my gratitude for such a fulfilling summer. God bless!

We were assigned a fellow worker to write about in this week's blog and here is the one that I wrote. Hope you enjoy!

~~YO CANDICE! She's a real cool cat. She's got a lot of this, and a lot of that. We all think that she's real neat. So come check out my sweet new beat. She's always fly, even on the jet plane. Always on time, never in the traffic lane. She cracks the whip, when Jorge's bad, and holds him like a baby when he's sad. She sweeps, mops, and hands out food,and she'll "slap ya in the mouth" if you're rude. She'll blow up your vocab, when you blab, don't try and spell, its just a drab. She's got the power. You know the, soOOULL POWER! Don't mess with her Satan, she'll pray you out, and leave us on the floor, all fallin' out. She talks like a boss, walks like a boss, better count the cost, before you get all cross. All in all, she's ridiculously awesome, stay around her too long, and you can't help but blossom. The End.

So that's my rap for my good friend Candice and pretty much the expanse of my creativity. Candice is one of those people that I love having next me in such challenging arenas like children's programs. She is trustworthy, hardworking, and focused on the task at hand. She is direct and honest about things she likes and dislikes, which is a rare, but needed trait in leaders. She has a consistent, genuine, care and love for the children. Being around her continually makes me a better man, and that is the type of godly woman, like all the urban women, that I enjoy working with. Candice, may God bless you and keep you!~~

The Blessing of Serving Hearts

Do you believe that those we bless are often times the ones we least expect to? A lot of times we don't even know when or where it happens. Previously, I was feeling drained and certainly more pessimistic than normal. A lot of this was due to poor resting habits, stress, and an unspoken tension among the team. However, God gave me an opportunity to see some of my own flaws and bad tendencies that I have been allowing to slip into my character over the past couple of weeks and a new spark to finish strong this summer.

Much of these realizations were from having some new Christ-centered laborers, visiting all the way from Kentucky, along side of our Americorps team. Seeing their heart for the children and an amazing spirit of inclusion put the much needed spark back into my summer. It was their enthusiasm, not their criticism, that spurred me to pick myself up and continue laboring for kingdom victories. They were not afraid to come along side of you and get their hands dirty and always invited you to join in on their home cooked meals, which were amazing. After the kids left one day, we had an outdoor gallon challenge that, after walking inside and coming back to milk that had been heated up on the asphalt, gave me a new perspective on Revelation 3:16 - So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth. I know that the Kentucky team's focus wasn't on me but it's amazing what an enthusiastic heart to serve can do to bless those around it. I know that I am a man of many flaws but I hope that someday I also will be characterized by a passionate serving heart that spurs on other Christ-centered laborers. Shine on!

Hurt Left Unhealed

Heart break was the theme for what I was experiencing last week at urban. On Tuesday, I found out that one of the sweetest girls in my group of 6&7 year olds tried to jump out of a moving car and also attempted to "seriously" attacked her sister. She was then enrolled in the psychiatric ward at a nearby hospital and studied for a while. I was broken over the news. She is one of those kids that melts your heart and rarely gives you any problems. I later found out that she was on medication during the day to keep her calm and due to some "home" problems, she was experiencing a lot of anger.
This same week, I sat outside with a 13 year old girl talking about how angry and short tempered she was at another girl and that it all stemmed from her dad being murdered a few years before. For 45 minutes, with her face streaming in tears of frustration, we talked about having self-control, the consequences of anger, and the healing power of God. I knew that God was the only one that could take her pain away and draw her off of the bad path she is headed down, but she spoke of God as being the one who allowed her father to die. All I could say was that an angry man with a gun killed her dad, not God, and that I truly believe that there is a better and bigger plan for her than the things she is doing currently. My heart was heavy with sorrow for each of the girls, but these are just two stories of the many here at the Lincoln Heights Courts. There is so much pain lurking behind the cute faces here at urban and it is a shame that they all have to be young children. Why does the world overlook things that are going on here, good and bad? Why don't ALL the people of God turn their deafened ears towards the cries of these children and to all the pain left unhealed. I know that I was oblivious to it all once, but if you have ears to hear, let them hear. We can no longer hide behind the "that's not my calling" smokescreen, or "I don't have time" excuse. Jesus speaks of them in them in such a direct way that you would have to be a pharisee to hide from it.
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" 2He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell. 10"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. 12 "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.
So Jesus is passionately seeking after all the little ones in San Antonio, but the question is, "Are we?" Are we seeking to be God's guiding and healing hands and feet or are we just being kept in the pockets of our own selfishness like too much change that clangs around in some annoying repetitive fashion.

For Lack of a Better Male

Last week was quite the shift in routine. We began bringing in groups instead of running the daily programs ourselves. This gave me the opportunity to talk to some of the kids a little bit more than I was the week prior. One of the things that I found out was that a very large majority, like all the kids I talked to except one, do not have a father figure in their home and also do not have the opportunity to see him outside of the home. I believe this father figure issue is whats contributing to a lot of behavior problems we experience at Urban, as well as some pre-cursor behaviors to unhealthy lifestyles. I am realizing that it is important that I role model character and integrity for the children, especially the boys, and address situations when there might be a lack of either. The kids will most likely not have them modeled on MTV. I wish I could say more about this subject but I am still getting a grasp on the effects that a father has on his children, good or bad, and how I can substitute some of the essential vitamins of guidance that the children here at Urban are lacking. God Bless.

The Swing Set

The shade of a few oak trees is a beautiful thing when you’ve been outside in the Texas heat trying to keep up with all the curious actions and minds of children. I caught myself in this glorious oasis today with my heart melting from something different than the 100+ degree weather. It was in this shade that I found myself pushing 4 children on the swings from our youngest age group at Urban Connection. Their soft, sweet voices, one after another, kept saying, “Higher Mr. James, higher,” as they would begin to slow down having not yet learned how to tuck their feet and kick them forward to keep themselves going. Their giggles and laughs could only make me smile as I breathed like a horse trying to match their insistent pleas of my master pushing skills. As I repeated this new laborious activity, a lofty thought passed through my mind, “This might be some of the only positive attention these children will get today. So many of the children in this city don’t have a male figure to even push one of them on the swings. And here I am, a 21-year-old college student, getting the opportunity to have just a little moment in their lives, even if it is just pushing them on the swings. Wow!” My eyes, admittedly, were a little watery as time wrapped up and they hopped off the swings and raced to grab my hand to be lead off the playground and to their next to activity. My heart was full of joy and a humbled gratefulness as their little arms were almost fully extended just to reach my hand. You see, I too was the child that wanted to be pushed on the swing set but this was the oh-so-common swing set of life. I once was sitting on a cold swing with no direction or force to change my static life, feeling all alone on a cruel playground with countless bullies to tell me of my worthlessness. This is when Jesus came up and with the slightest, softest pushes began giving me an excitement and direction to a once purposeless life. He Himself took the burden of the weight that the chains held and gave motion to my once motionless life, while at the same time reassuring me of my new found worth in Him. Where would I be without Him? I too, at times, find myself saying, “Higher Jesus, higher” when I might try to take credit for my newly transformed kinetic energy that is slowly dissipating from my inability to be the force that sustains it. He always faithfully responds though with the familiar soft pushes and smiles the warmest of smiles, as he knows that someday I will leave this playground too, holding His hand and ranting on and on about how great He is and how I can’t wait for what’s next. Thank you Jesus!

“…I have come that the may have life, and have it more abundantly.” – John 10:10

First Week at Urban

It has been an amazing first week serving at Urban Connection - San Antonio. I am having a blast and I am so grateful for the chance to be a part of whats happening here. We kicked-off last Thursday with Americorps training in Dallas where the whole team (8 girls and 2 guys) stayed at a hotel together. The hotel graciously upgraded Josh and I to a suite on the club members floor with free breakfast and appetizers at no cost. What a blessing! I didn't expect much from the training but it was very informative and stoked a fire in me to set my face towards neighborhoods often overlooked, in order that a few might be saved. One of the crazy things that I found out was that Texas has the highest child hunger problem with at least 2.2 million children going hungry every year. These are children that can't perform well in school because they're hungry and given no positive attention at home. Even more amazing is that this is happening on the Church's watch. How can you say you love Jesus but knowingly allow little children go without food in their stomach. The book of James in the Bible lands so much harder for me now. While at the training, I had the opportunity to lead one of four groups, composed of other Americorps members stationed at other non-profits in Dallas, in a trash pick up. The location we were at was one of the worst places in Dallas. I haven't seen so much drug paraphernalia in my life! We picked up crack bags, blown out cocaine balloons, and alcohol bottles of all kinds. I had to run between streets and through alley ways to manage four different sub-groups that had been split up through the neighborhood but God's peace was with me. It was a great opportunity to serve others and get my hands dirty! I couldn't have been happier with the chance to lead. On Monday, we were back at Urban in San Antonio and started our specific organizational training and planning. Josh, Julia, and I will be in charge of outdoor activities all next week. Each day, the activities will have something to do with a popular kids movie, such as Kung Fu Panda, Happy Feet, Planet 51, The Incredibles, and Madagascar. We have planned games like Asteroid toss, a penguin slip and slide, and super hero relays. Josh and I will also be doing a sports oriented, urban after hours (UAH pronounced oooahhh by Ms. Randi) program for only boys. We didn't want to exclude the girls but we figured that it might be some of the only intentional time we have with just the boys. Oh man! I almost forgot! Yesterday, we went to the San Antonio Food Bank to load up food into a big U-Haul truck for the Urban Resource Center. When we were unloading it at Urban, we found a live rat chilling in one of the boxes. I heroically went after him with just a broom to which he responded by jumping out of the truck and passing right between Josh's legs. The kids, the Spanish speaking women, and I were all chasing him down the street yelling "MATALE!", which means "kill him". It must have been a funny site. Luckily for him though, once he was trapped between one of the boys feet, one of the ladies picked him up by his tale and tossed him in the dumpster. I'm sure he was in heaven. Other than that we have been playing some super competitive games of kickball and dodge ball, and training for the many perceived situations that await us. I am confident the team can handle it though. We are each very different but every one of them is an amazing person! I really like the individuals I am serving along side and I couldn't say enough about them. Some thoughts that I will leave you with were given to us today by Pastor Craig, Director of Kingdom Relations, and are continuing to motivate me to give my all in the upcoming summer. The first one went something like this,"These kids that we are working with only know a life of survival, which is different from living. We are getting the opportunity to teach them how to LIVE!" and the next,"We love these children the same way God loves us, unconditionally. That means that our love has nothing to do with whether they are loveable or not. We love them either way." Thanks for reading!

Urban Connection-San Antonio

What a crazy masterpiece God has been putting together for mine and my girlfriend, Sarah's, summer. I should probably start at the beginning and work my way through all the events that have taken place. A few years ago, I decided to put myself down as a non-profit minor because a lot of my classes overlapped and it looked like an easy extra to my resume. However, as college progressed, I didn't have many intentions on actually graduating with it. Recently that all changed, though. Jesus began to work on my heart last semester with ideas of starting non-profits that made a difference in communities and that leveraged the resources and talents of Christ-centered college students. So, I changed my mind and decided to look into my minor a little more.
I knew that I needed an internship for it and my place of employment from the past two years wasn't going to meet the requirements of non-profit status. At the same time, Sarah and I had been discussing how important it is for someone with her major, in liberal arts, to have an internship but it seemed like there was too much red tape to getting her one so close to summer, was in Dallas, gave her experience teaching, and paid, but she still looked into it a little bit. (This could get confusing as I try and tell both of our stories going on at the same time but just stick with me). I began to try and figure out where I could intern as well. I knew of a friend, Jon Fontenot, that I heard worked for AmeriCorps, which works with non-profits. I called Jon and he told me about how he just got in a request for applicants at a 300 hour, 10 week, faith-based, paid internship in intercity San Antonio, called Urban Connection. I emailed them and they gave me an application. I noticed that at the top of the application it said Central Dallas Ministries (The sister organization to Urban Connection) and had a check box for people interested in their educational program. So I asked if they were still accepting applicants in Dallas, which they said they were. I forwarded the email to Sarah and she realized that it was one of the internships that a friend had referenced her to, so she sent in her application.
I received a call a little later with a request for a follow up interview. Praise God! Sarah did not receive one, however. I told her to call them and follow up because it might get her name on their list. When she did, they said that she would need to interview with them on the following Saturday in Dallas if she was still interested, even though she was still living in Austin. However, it turned out that it was the day she was already planning to go back for her sister's prom preparation, which made it work out perfectly.
I noticed that when I was driving to my interview, everything looked familiar in the area that it was in. That is when I realized that it was the same neighborhood that my roommate, Anthony, had taken me through my freshman year. He lived right down the street and he told me that the area, Lincoln Heights Courts, was a really rough neighborhood and wasn't a place to be at night. When I was interviewed, I was astounded by how much God had been building me up the past 3 years for working for Urban if I happened to get the job. They were all about going into places people had overlooked, working with the kids in that community, preaching the gospel, and loving in a way that costs them something. They told me that one of the first things they noticed was that I was a male who was conversational in Spanish and that it would definitely be needed. I love speaking Spanish and this got me excited for more opportunities to practice. They talked about reaching marginalized kids for Jesus, giving them opportunities that they usually didn't have, and also connecting with their families. I had been doing this the past two summer projects with Crusade and every weekend with Alamo Stone Church. They also talked about developing programs, being flexible, and taking initiative. These were things I learned at BIF technologies and Campus Crusade during the school year. Wow! Coincidence? I think not. When I left, I just couldn't believe how much God was working and was wishing I had been a little better prepared for such a competitive interview where they were interviewing only half their applicants and picking ten from the interview pool. However, Sarah went in for her interview in Dallas and was told that she was one of 400 plus applicants applying for 125 positions, much more daunting I suppose. Sarah's interview went good as well. There were four people who were interviewing at the time but she got to interview with the AmeriCorps’s Director for CDM, whom she had been emailing back and forth. They told her that if she got the job she would be getting the opportunity to teach and make lesson plans. How cool is that? But the competition was high and so we were left to trust in Christ and pray.
The next day, Sarah's church was doing an outreach in an under resourced community in Dallas. At first she wanted to sleep but then decided to go and help out. A non-profit called Heart House of Dallas called her not soon after that. They told her that CDM had given them her information and that they were interested in having her TEACH SCIENCE! Guess where it was too? It was in that same neighborhood that her church had done outreach in not too soon before. Crazy, I know. Well, they wanted to make sure that she was legit, and asked to do a follow up interview with her. She told them that she was in Austin and they said that it was fine because one of the staff members was headed down there on an upcoming Sunday. It turns out that the girl who did the follow up interview with her had attended UT and lived in the same, small, private dormitory. At this point, I had not been called, but I had stopped by Urban Connection to drop off a thank you card for the interview and was invited to play soccer with the kids. Neither Sarah nor I had been offered a position but both were looking pretty optimistic. One reason was because Sarah's aunt called her before her follow up interview to tell her that the past three nights she had been having dreams of Sarah working with children and making a big impact on them, with no explanation to why she was having them. Prophetic!? But on the same day, not long after that, Sarah and I were both offered positions!
At the same time all of this was happening, I had been in contact back and forth with the advisors in charge of my minor and the College of Public Policy. I told them that I was interviewing with Urban Connection, which they told me was a really good internship and they already had connections where they could put in a good word for me. They also told me that my minor only required 150 hours, but since it was 300 I would be applicable for an American Humanics Certification. It turns out that there are only 3 universities in Texas that have partnerships with American Humanics and UTSA was one of them. With a few other, minor activities and an almost fully covered conference in Orlando over Christmas break, I could get the certification. The advisor then told me that all 21 of the past graduates with this particular certification were working at MANAGEMENT level positions at different non-profit organizations. What a great opportunity!
SOOOOO, in conclusion, Sarah and I will both be getting the opportunities to work in under resourced, dangerous, communities, to gain solid experience, to put what experience God has given us to use, and to preach Christ to those that desperately need it this summer and all because of God's great grace. Plus, we'll be getting a stipend and a $1000 scholarship at the completion of our 300 hours, not the reason for working but definitely a cherry on top. Thanks for reading and I'll keep you updated. God is good, always!

Check out some videos of what Urban is doing at Youtube.com and search urban connection san antonio. There is a 3 part series on them that is really inspiring.

Love that Costs

I decided to name this blog "love that costs" because it has probably been the heaviest thing laying on my heart lately. It all started with a deep feeling of loneliness, where I was questioning if anybody truly loved me or appreciated me. Ministry a lot of times will put you in this place where you wonder such things. Everyone has something they could use you for, or you are only really valued for how well you serve. Needless to say, I felt a pull on my heart to find out what it looks like to be loved. While pondering this thought, I was struck with the question, "Do I really love anybody?” This challenged me because generally you do not ask people to do something that you are not already living out. Something the Pharisees did all the time by the way (Matt. 23:1-4). Have you ever really thought about what love really looks like? I'm not talking about the love where you are generally nicer to people, you share the candy on your desk, and you don't cut people off on the drive home. I'm talking about LOVE..."AGAPE!" Love that says that someone else is worth so much that you would literally die for them. That you would give all your belongings and comfortable living habits for someone in order that they may know the true love of God. That's radical love. That's "crazy love", a love that goes beyond the norms of being just a really nice person. Sure, you might be able to make a split decision to take a bullet for somebody, but could you suffer a long time for somebody, all for the sake that they may know Jesus, his work on the cross, and the power of his resurrection. This is the way Jesus loved, but EVEN MORE SO the way he called us to love others. "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." (John 13:34). The idea that you should treat others, as you yourself want to be treated is not simply enough anymore because this kind of love has reserves. "I wouldn't naturally do this for you, so I don't expect you to do it for me," is what this says. Jesus goes a step farther and says that we should love in a way that cost us something, maybe even our life and expect nothing back. THIS kind of love is impossible apart from God. Our sinful flesh makes us so prone to be self-centered, self-serving, and self-righteous. We somehow are now deserving of things. "I worked hard for this, so I deserve it." or "This stuff here is mine but I'll share this less valuable stuff over here with you." This certainly wasn't the way God acted toward us. The triune God of this universe spoke over us, "Oh Child, I want you so bad that I am grieved over you and your sin. My eternal heart breaks over you. All I can do to redeem you from your lost, hopeless life of separation from Me is to give ALL that I have: my sinless, beloved son. But even though it pains me, you are worth it because you are MINE! OH CHILD YOU ARE MINE AND NOTHING WILL KEEP YOU FROM ME!" God gave the most valuable thing in the Universe, His only begotten Son, all that we may have eternal life. Jesus defines eternal life as knowing the only true God and the one whom He sent, Jesus Christ (John 17:3). Eternal life to God is being in a love-love relationship with Him, not just the shiny gold streets and mansions. Gold is representing our most valuable possessions as being so pale in comparison to God that we would walk on them as if they were asphalt, and Jesus going before us to His father's place to build us a mansion is a Hebrew picture of marriage, a covenant relationship. Eternal life is all about the covenant relationship with God, the only true God that will never leave us nor forsake us. The God that is always good, always just, always righteous, and full of love, peace, patience and kindness. The one that takes away all of our shame, guilt, worry, and anxiety and deals with it justly by putting it on Himself. But God doesn't just want us know reconciling love; he wants us to experience it, and live in it. He wants us to walk in love to the point that every step we are taking is an imitation of our Father's swagger (Eph. 5:1-2). Psalms 34:8 says "O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trust in him." That's experiencing God! Tasting and seeing! Louie Giglio posed me with this question at a recent conference I was blessed to be able to attend, "Are you fully alive and fully strengthened in God?” His thesis was that if we are fully alive and walking in God's strength, it's impossible for us not to give that Agape love to others. It's the idea that our identity should be so rooted in Jesus and his unfathomable love, that nothing in this world matters other than loving Him and those around us. When I say nothing, I truly mean nothing, including our house, our 401K, our car, our spouse, our children, our friends, our college degree, our job, and anything else you that can think up. The Agape kind of love starts with who we are in Jesus Christ and our ongoing relationship with Him. A friend of mine recently told me,” James, you can't do God's work with man's effort. It has to be God working through you, in order to accomplish God's work." Somehow, transformation has to come from within before it can go to those around us. This isn't an excuse not to love and to wait on transformation, but actually an excuse to begin radically loving. I find that its never really the accomplishing of a challenging goal or task that changes me, but the paths and experiences I had to go through to get me there that made the most substantial impact on my life. I have to begin to say, "Jesus, I love you, I trust you, and I'm going to take a step of faith, take a risk, and try and love somebody in a way that really cost me something. Please transform my heart and show me what it means to be loved, as I seek your face daily through it all." This is the issue that the Holy Spirit has been pressing on my heart and I tell you the truth in that it has really challenged my idea of a Christ-centered life. I'll continue to update this blog with the happenings in my life and this upcoming summer. Happy Reading!